Regret
by LinkyLex
Summary: Set weeks after the date of the race, Rin and Haru run into each other one evening when they least expect it. Those emotions held within during their complete lack of communication now bubble forth in an unexpected way. RinHaru fluff.


_° "It's my win, Haru. Now there's no need to swim with you anymore._

_…Ever."_

A sigh slipped the raven's lips before they dipped beneath the water's surface and came to rest in their safe, watery haven.

At least, that's how it would usually feel.

Right now though, Haruka simply couldn't find comfort in the liquid surrounding him and he was starting to doubt that simply laying here would eventually change that. If anything the silence and the lack of company besides his own thoughts were only making it harder.

Defeated, he dragged his body from the water to step onto the tile of his bathroom floor and lazily drape a towl over his shoulders. That was about as far as it's uses stretched on this occasion, however.

_It's no use. _No matter what he did it had been impossible to push those fateful words from his mind and he liked to think he'd tried just about everything.

Even Makoto and the rest of the swim club hadn't been able to distract him from his thoughts. Not that he could fault them, in the days that had followed the race they'd certainly tried but in keeping the red-head's final words from them Haruka had allowed them to believe that it had been nothing more than a lost race.

Maybe they had their suspicions that something deeper had unfolded but if so they'd hid it well. As far as he was concerned he bore this alone and never had he felt so lost.

**› **"Rin…" _Why?_

What had happened to make what had once been his dear friend so cold and just what had made him so intent on proving himself as Haru's superior?

That much he could understand. Rin had always been fiercly competive, always eager to show he was the best and on more than one occasion he'd showed his disliking for Haru's total disinterest in improving his times but even then their friendship had held strong.

_› What about now?_

Before he could once again begin the vicious cycle of thoughts which accompanied the prior the teen forced his legs into motion to carry him to the only other place he'd yet to seek comfort in. Stopping only for a change of clothes he soon found himself beating the the familar path towards the beach paying little heed to the menacing clouds lurking overhead in the night sky.

Closing his eyes as the docile waves lapped at the shore Haru felt himself exhale deeply before taking an equally deep breath of the fresh ocean air. If nothing else, at least his body felt at ease here and it seemed he'd have to settle for that.

His eyes only parted once more when the soft pat of a lone raindrop landed on his skin. Glancing up towards the sky he waited for the countless more he was sure would soon join it. Sure enough they began to fall, only lightly at first but it would only be a matter of time before the clouds released what was sure to be a heavy downfall. Perhaps he should get back before that happened.

° "…Haru."

A sharp voice from behind caused Haruka to freeze, blood running cold as those words - triggered by the presence of their maker - rang vividly through his mind once more. He didn't need to see the face to know who that voice belonged to.

› "Why are you here, Rin?" He responded, keeping his back to the other. If the location wasn't already unusual for the shark's appearance then the time of day most certainly was. One thing was clear, Rin had not stumbled here by accident.

Why would he choose now, though? The race that had ensured his victory had long since passed and in the weeks that had followed the preliminals Rin had all but vanished from the small town, to see him again now was unexpected.

Haru and the others had assumed he'd returned to finally close in on his dream of being an olympic swimmer. When they thought about it, defeating Haruka seemed the only plausable explanation for him swimming locally once more. Now that he'd achieved that he had no need for this place anymore, right?

› "You can move on now, right? What reason do you have to return?" Haru was sure anything he might have had to say would have been delivered as swiftly as that fateful message, not weeks later like this. Could it be he'd had a change of heart?

› _Don't get your hopes up._

_° "_…I thought I could." After a pause in which he considered the meloncholy tone of the other's voice, one which only made the pangs of guilt all the stronger, the red-head spoke.

For the longest time he'd believed that in beating Haru he would finally be able to move on and before the ecstacy of finally winning had begun to subside he'd truly believed that he'd finally reached that stage. However that look in Haruka's eyes had haunted him, slowly eating away at his victory until he was no longer sure if he'd gained anything at all.

Sure he'd _won _but at what cost?

° "But I can't. The reason is _you."_

Once more, Haru was the reason he couldn't move forward. Even when Rin forced the distance between them, even when Haruka wasn't around, he always held Rin in that same spot. He didn't even have to do anything for it to be that way, just a thought was enough to imobilise him.

° _You don't even realise the hold you have on me._

It had gone against everything his heart wanted when he first tried to disconnect from the things he held dear. Discarding his emotions and the friendships he'd developed was not easy, yet he was young and foolish and it had all been for nothing.

He knew that now but in his grieving state he'd honestly believed it was the only choice he had if he was to ever fulfil his father's dream. Over time he'd slipped into his new mindset but every now and then the cracks of the imperfect mask would show, deepening with every reminder of what he once had.

° _You could have all that again. _His mind would frequently remind him and full of denial he'd push it back once more. As much as he might long for it his mind was set on achieving what his father could not, no matter what it meant.

The raven's complete disinterest in competive swimming had, at the time, only been seen as a hinderence, just one more thing that stood between Rin and his title, that's why he'd tried so hard to push him away, despite what, deep down, he knew he really wanted.

Now he wasn't sure he could continue to do so.

› "That was before we raced." Haruka answered, only now turning to face him. Just what did he mean by that? He'd never forget Rin's promise that he would be free once he beat Haru in a _real _race. Haru had kept his word and swam to his limit. Had the red-head forgotten it himself?

° "No, that's how it's always been." Rin started, his voice harsher than he'd initially intended as he felt himself snap, though whether it was towards himself or Haru he couldn't be sure. He was only aware of the emotions racing through him which caused his raised voice and the sudden burst of confessions which followed.

° "I can't move on because no matter how many times I beat you, it doesn't feel like a victory. I spent all these years believing I'd finally free myself from you but…" He paused, brows furrowing as he tried to collect himself. Were these words really coming from him? It was hard to believe that what he'd kept inside for so long would come tumbling out like this but here he was, too late to stop it.

"…I still can't get you out of my head."

Casting his eyes down it was impossible to mask the pained clenching of his features and his bangs only served to cover so much. Balling his fists he threw his head to the side, his eyes pressed shut to hold back what he hoped to god were not tears.

He'd snapped at him, _again. _He only wanted him to see things in their true light but was this the right way? Yes. Exposing his own weaknesses like this would be okay if he could only rid himself of the guilt of what he'd done.

Silence fell upon them in the moments which followed, broken only by the increasingly frequent splashes of the rain which grew ever more fierce. So much so that the shark didn't notice the faint shifting of feet across sand and as he fought to maintain his composture Haru reached him, a hand stretching out towards the other male.

› "Rin…" The soft call of his name coincided with fingertips brushing against his cheek and though he tried to fight the urge it was no use, his eyes still moved to meet the other's.

Greeting him were the same intense hues he'd once known. Gone was the crippling despair that had plagued them for far too long and in it's place burned the hope and affection Rin hadn't seen aimed towards him since childhood.

Could it be that Haru understood? Could he go as far as to say he even forgave?

As if to answer, the raven let his hand continue it's path past the red-head's cheek until it cupped the nape of his neck. Soon joined by the other he encouraged the shark to face him as he brought their foreheads together.

› "…It's okay." Haru uttered, his warm breath against Rin's face offering some relief from the cold rain. He didn't need to hear anymore to understand that Rin had suffered just as much as he had. Just as long as they could put this behind them and move on together that was all they needed.

Warmth embraced the raven-haired teen as apologetic arms surrounded him and he sighed deeply, lifting his head to face the other and convey his forgiveness with a sincere smile.

A soft touch of the lips and their bodies grew closer, sheltering one another from the cold which had begun to settle through their weather soaked garments and in the moment of that wordless embrace they were united in their thoughts.

°› _I'll do anything to never lose you again._


End file.
